Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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