Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
