Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
In other news, I just burned my penis
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
