I puked a lego.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
