Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
