He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
