Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
