she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Randomize
