Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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