I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
