I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
