This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
