I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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