READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
