I hope mine doesn't look like that
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
