i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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