i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
