Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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