Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
