They should really pass out barf bags in church
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
