I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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