At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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