dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
