i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize