What did we do last night that was yellow?
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
