my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
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