im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
