You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
