when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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