Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
