how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Randomize
