Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
