all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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