Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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