i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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