oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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