im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
