Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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