Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
