i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
