so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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