im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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