so that wasnt chicken after all
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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