So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
