im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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