you thought your balls were fighting each other...
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
