Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
