Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
This baby is an asshole
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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