We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i love accidental penises.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Use "feeling words"
Yay
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize