You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
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