I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
