I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
