So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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