Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
