Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
