were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
