Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
You smell like stripper and shame
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
