just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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