Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Randomize
