Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
