i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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