How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
