barbara walters just said penis...
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
