Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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