i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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