Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
