Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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