What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
