idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
