How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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