Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
God, I missed his penis.
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