I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
