Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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