about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
