when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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