Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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