i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
