hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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